Navigating Emotions with The Feelings Wheel
A Guide to Better Understanding Yourself and Others
A few years back I joined a small group called “White Girls Interrupting”. In the six virtual sessions, we discussed tools and techniques on how to use our status to interrupt and challenge the systems of oppression that we directly benefit from. What I learned in that group has impacted so many aspects of my life, but there was one particular part of the experience that transformed the way I communicate with others and myself. It began with a simple question, “How do you feel?”
The facilitator asked this question at the beginning of each session. There was a chart with emotions/faces that you could pick from, similar to the ones you’d see in a classroom. We would go around sharing our feelings and providing some context if we felt inclined to share why. Every session started this way and I found this ritual therapeutic.
We were logging in from all over the United States and within the first moments of the call, we were asked to be vulnerable and share our emotions. That shared vulnerability allowed us to acknowledge the complexities of the world in real-time as a group and be present. I believe that connected us quickly and ultimately enabled us to discuss and absorb serious and important topics. Seeing how impactful this simple question was, I began to implement the question in my personal life.
When my friends or family texted me, and I wanted to have a conversation or just check in on them, I would ask “How are you?” or “How do you feel?” In the past, I’ve struggled to connect with people virtually versus “real” life. Asking the question helped start the conversation and signal my interest in their emotional state.
The only problem was the answers it yielded were usually “good” or “bad”. This language limited the conversation. I wanted to stay connected with my friends and family through text but it soon became clear that my language wasn’t large enough. This is what led me to search online for a list of feelings and/or emotions to reference, and what eventually led me to discover: The Feelings Wheel.
The Feelings Wheel is a tool that can help you identify and articulate your emotions with greater specificity. It’s a visual representation of emotions, arranged in a circular format that shows the relationship between different feelings. The innermost circle of the wheel contains more general emotions, such as happy, sad, angry, or fearful. As you move outwards, the emotions become more specific and nuanced, such as valued, embarrassed, disrespected, or overwhelmed.
For example, right now I feel bad. If I want to use more precise language I can reference the wheel and ask myself, “Am I bored, busy, stressed, or tired?” (I try to force myself to pick just one or two emotions, as the enormity of the wheel can overwhelm me and leave me with analysis paralysis.) I choose “tired” and now I’m at two options: “sleepy or unfocused.” I’d say I’m sleepy at this moment because I feel pretty focused and determined to finish this article! But once I’m done, I now know it is time for me to rest…maybe I’ll take a nap.
As you can see I used this tool to not only gain a deeper understanding of how I was feeling — but to also regulate my emotions and enact change. It’s interesting to reflect on how the simple acknowledgment of a feeling led to a new course of action.
“Language is very powerful. Language does not just describe reality. Language creates the reality it describes.”
― Desmond Tutu
It is important to note that this tool serves as a guide and cannot possibly encompass every emotion that humans are capable of experiencing. That’s because we don’t have enough words to describe our world. From the way the light hits the leaves of a tree outside your window…to the texture of solid wood flooring beneath your bare feet…to the unexplainable pain in your lower back…mere language cannot capture it all.
But we can try. It’s worth it to at least try, right? For just as we don’t have enough words to capture our reality, words are also the most direct and powerful form of communication available to us. Language is powerful. Whether we’re talking to ourselves or we are in conversation with others, the words we use matter. Words influence what we do, who we interact with, and how we interact with them.
The Feelings Wheel has revolutionized the way I communicate with myself and with others. Expanding my emotional vocabulary has given me a greater appreciation for the complexity of human emotions, allowed me to communicate with more people on a deeper level, and ultimately enhance my emotional intelligence.
If you’re looking to improve your communication skills and connect with others on a deeper level, I highly recommend giving The Feelings Wheel a try.
Have you ever felt like your language wasn’t “large enough” to capture the complexity of your emotions?
Do you think expanding your emotional vocabulary could help you communicate more effectively with others?
Have you ever tried using a feelings wheel or chart to help you better understand your emotions?
What other tools or techniques have you used to better understand and communicate your emotions?
Leave your thoughts in the comments. Download the wheel here. Thank you for reading.
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